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Parenting is tougher now, but that’s no excuse for not trying.
- Anna Simmonds
- 1 day ago
- 4 min read
Intro by Empathy Studios:
In a world where technology often competes for young people’s attention, developing empathy can take many different forms. Whether through conversations, shared experiences, or simple activities, helping children build these vital skills doesn’t require a one-size-fits-all approach. In this blog, Andrew Hampton reflects on how parenting and family life have evolved over the years, offering insightful ways for parents to connect with their children in meaningful, authentic ways. It’s about supporting families in navigating the challenges of modern life, with empathy being the common thread through it all.
A growing number of people feel it is solely the role of schools, government and other child-focused organisations to guide and inform parents about emojis, Insta memes and the whole sub-culture of young people’s communications. I think this is emblematic of a learned helplessness amongst some parents which is somewhat defeatist and – dare I say – a bit lazy? One of the most poignant moments in Adolescence was when the parents professed to thinking their son was safe because he was in his bedroom. There are two simple ways to find out what is happening in that bedroom. One is to ask the young person straight-up and without judgement to explain what the messages all mean, and the other is to look it up on YouTube for yourself – it’s there if you look for it. For all that, there is still a genuine concern about young people spending too long in front of screens and becoming detached from family life.
When I was young - in the 60s and 70s - time in my bedroom was spent mostly listening to music, first exclusively on vinyl and then increasingly on cassette. I would lie on my bed reading the album covers, copies of Beano, Charlie Brown, and The Eagle, and making recordings of records on my cassette player. My mind was filled with Roy Harper and Roy of the Rovers. Sometimes I would read a book, but that was not my personal favourite. An album would play for 20 to 25 mins before needing to be turned over; C60 cassettes would play for an hour. And then I’d get bored.
My older brother and I would play Risk, Monopoly and Subbuteo, or make a giant marble run. We would take the bus into town to buy cardboard, records, more blank cassettes or a new Subbuteo team.
If my parents wanted my company to help with chores and cooking, they weren’t – let’s face it – competing with anything special to get my attention.
“Andrew, could you take Buster for a walk? He’s been in all day.”
“Sure, come on Buster, walkies.”
“Andrew, I’m going to need someone to peel the spuds – could that be you?”
“Sure, I’m not doing much.”
In the late afternoon I would watch TV: Blue Peter, Tom and Jerry, Popeye, and then Look North. In the evenings we would watch TV as a family: the Two Ronnies, Morecombe and Wise and Monty Python. Our shared cultural experiences as a family were substantial compared to the modern day.
From the mid 80s, video games were played on the family screen, then screens came into the bedroom. Finally, Web 2.0 made the internet interactive, social media was born and here we are.
Everything has changed … but also, nothing has changed.
If we want our children to spend less time on screens, then we must COMPETE. We have to compete with the fact that video games are enormous fun and highly engaging. We must compete with ongoing dialogue with friends and FOMO. It’s not that hard but it does require effort. Parents need to offer activities and quality time together that is better than the offer children receive through their screens.
Learning magic tricks, playing cards or Settlers, Scrabble or Pictionary. Cooking, scrap booking, drawing, painting, DIY, decorating, disco cleaning (I made that one up, but you get the picture). Then there are outdoor activities: planting seeds, pruning, mowing the lawn, catching slugs. And counting: counting birds, different plants and trees, spotting different types of lichen, evidence of foxes or badgers. Learning to read the sky for rain and wind tomorrow, commenting on styles of architecture and guessing the decade houses were built, learning car logos.
And we haven’t even touched on the things that each parent finds fascinating, whether that’s a hobby, a passion or their job.
Parents are losing the battle for their child’s attention and have, in many cases, surrendered altogether. What effort they put into trying to regulate screen activities comes across to their children as restrictive and oppressive. That widens generational disconnect and a spiral of miscommunication gathers pace.
Instead, parents need to fight hard to win the attention of their children and win the battle against big tech. It requires effort and imagination; it requires empathy to see life through the child’s lens and understand that things are different – but, actually, still the same. As parents we know that children still need our focus and attention; we just need to try much harder to get theirs.
Andrew’s insights into parenting offer practical ideas for navigating the challenges of modern family life. For more on supporting children’s development in meaningful ways, check out Andrew’s books When Girls Fall Out and Working with Boys, which explore how to create positive relationships and foster mutual respect. You can learn more at Girls on Board and Working with Boys.
